Wal-Mart® monitors demographics, the art of over-anal-yzing everything, and somebody at Wal-Mart® noticed that the motorcycle industry has begun to blossom in recent years. 13 straight years of record growth, thanks to states WITHOUT mandatory helmet laws, thank you. So when big hearted motorcyclists flocked to the new Wal-Mart® Supercenter stores to score gifts and goodies for the holiday toy run season, those Bikers were quickly captivated and held mesmerized by Wal-Mart®'s new motorcycle department.

Have you seen the new motorcycle department in the Wal-Mart® Supercenter stores? Pretty cute. It's like bein' at a little 10x10 booth at your favorite swap meet. Oil filters, gloves, license plate frames, batteries, tire patch kits, goggles, tool bags (with studs) and even ride bells for good luck! I could swear I even saw a pleather vest there! Half helmets by Bell®, of course, and even Mobile 1® synthetic oil for both, V-Twins and my metric ridin' buddies, at a "competitive price." I didn't see any pasties, yet! They'll probably do pasties online only. Of course, the Bell® "Bandito" shorty helmet is completely OUT OF STOCK. Hmmm. I wonder why folks seem to like those little tiny helmets? Is it because it's like wearing nothing? Or is it the; "Classic low profile styling, plush washable comfort liner, removable tinted visor, DOT approved." Yeah, right. Remind your thoracic to explain that to the S.U.V. that just pulled a right turn in front of you. Remember, there’s no such thing as a DOT approved helmet, the DOT doesn’t approve helmets. Get the proper training and you'll have a far better chance of accident avoidance in the first place. But I digress.

Allow me to regress. I wrote a long time ago about the big popular hangout with the Club Peacock crowd, the Apathy Diner™. Open 24/7, where apathy is a dish served up cold by an uncaring "enthusiast" wearing stylish new Silly G.® leathers...you know the type, a guy/gal who doesn't really like to ride, but thinks he/she can buy all the attitude with a credit card, be an instant Biker™ by noon, get all the attention and accolades for being a bad-ass with minimal effort and a wardrobe change, but leave all the complicated discrimination, profiling, tickets, citations and fighting for rider's rights to the rest of us. They'll ungraciously accept the fruits of our labor, such as the recent change in California's apehanger law or lanesharing or pushing motorcycle awareness month, but I've yet to hear a single one of them say "thank you" to US for makin' those things happen. They ride around on $40,000 steeds but can't afford the dues to join an MRO? I can't pretty up my frustration much more than that. Some of you attack me for being so "in your face" with the L.A.M.E. crowd, (Look At Me, Everybody!) but believe me, I live in the yup capitol of the world and I've tried the "nice" approach and it flat out don't work. They really just don't care about your rights and they have no intention of fighting for their own. I saw a listing on eBay® that sums it up nicely; "For Sale, WWII French Army Rifle. Never fired, dropped only once." In keeping with my new year's resolution of reinstituting humility and shame in lieu of more new laws, if you're a spade, I'm calling you a spade to your face. Throw a hissy fit and call me names if it makes you feel better about yourself, but I have no respect for people's opinions if they aren't in the ring, thanklessly fighting for the rights of others. In other words, thanks for nothin'.

The problem with apathy is that it's a silent killer, one that will quietly knock off all the little motorcycle shops where I spend my money, one by one. I worry for those little mom and pop shops, and I especially worry for our closest friends and most ardent supporters in the rider's rights movement; the ABATE Business Members. Wal-Mart® usually leaves a wake of tattered mom & pop businesses behind when the corporation moves a store to the other side of town (Usually, completely tax free in a building the city is hoaxed into paying for) and when Wal-Mart® starts sellin' those good luck bells, you can safely assume the battle is half over. Add Wal-Mart®'s foray into motorcycle parts to the equation already scribbled on the blackboard by the EnvironMental Protection Agency, the EPA, and you quickly see the rigor mortis of apathy setting into the dormant tissue of a sport which is largely out of touch with reality. I guess the appeal of riding is that element of escapism, but if you squint your eyes just right, you'll see an entire industry kissin' it's own @$$ goodbye, and amazingly, incredulously, nobody seems to care.

Sure, a few of the mom and pop shops seem to get it, but the preponderance of modern riders certainly don't seem to care. The manufacturers and the aftermarket, and that seemingly innocuous not for profit industry council trade group foundation type thing based out of California that represents the manufacturers, really doesn't get it. Neville Chamberlain (WWII, England/Germany, Peace For Our Time) would beam with pride at offering up a white "letter of guidance" flag to the EPA's crusade against 'horrific' motorcycle emissions. The industry appears more than willing to roll over and assume the omega dog position. Not on my watch. I refuse to squat and piddle for an agency that's supposed to be working for me, and at best does everything it can to create mindless impediments to my pursuit of happiness. And that "industry council" based out of California, you know who I mean, the ones you'd think would be most interested? Well, their "not for profit" trade group proudly touts that it burns up $20 million in revenue (yearly?) and will happily relieve your company of $700+ bucks a year (or more, depending upon your annual gross sales) while they hand out meaningless press releases on cheap paper run through a second hand copy machine, feigning indifference to your rights while working diligently behind the scenes to actually screw you over. Again, leaving the real freedom fighting to someone else, mainly, YOU. I'm sure that $20 mil is doled out in salaries, the trademarking of common phrases and exhorbitant lawyering fees, because they certainly aren't spending it on motorcycle awareness or high quality paper.

Rant to the aforementioned entity; You guys DON'T own rider training, so get over yourselves. Stop bullying state training programs and stop trying to make MORE money by selling books on how to ride safe. The new "Guide to Motorcycling blah blah blah" is only $14.95 at Wal-Mart® but, whoah, I just checked the "industry council" website and somebody dropped the price! It WAS a complete rip off at over $25 bucks. Whatever. The industry PAYS them to do this sorta thing and they turn around and sell it to us? If they REALLY cared, those materials would be totally free, after all, the manufacturers ARE paying for that, aren't they? If you were a TRUE not for profit, you'd give up your yearly salary and become a humble "volunteer" for the betterment of the sport, like the rest of us. You know, the ones with souls.

A lot of activists like to hear themselves talk, but rarely do they propose tangible solutions. Well, I'm a new breed, I actually have a solution; Support those who support the sport. If your local shop sprung $125 to be an ABATE Business Member, that's someone who truly believes in our cause, and someone we need to fight for. We all need to spread word within the community when we find a mom and pop shop that truly cares about riders. That also means BUY STUFF. Give 'em some business and let 'em know we love 'em. All the others out there who merely talk a good game but don't have a genuine or sincere interest in the future of our community, the ones with the slick attitudes out to make a quick buck, those who don't really ride and don't really give a ratt's-ass about rider's rights or the politics of it all while riding their shiny bikes by you without so much as a wave while you're broken down on the side of the road? To them I say, "Oh well." After all, that's the line they've been giving us for years as we've pleaded for their help. Turnabout is fair play and the end time is near. This goes double for groups who prefer to remain non-political in the interest of keeping things hunky dory. I'm in this for life, and I have a serious problem with people who leech off other people's sacrifices then whine about things that oughta be changed. The bottom line here is, your rights are no longer MY responsibility. If you want to ride free, it's time for YOU to get involved. If you don't want to step in it as deep as I like to, you can do your patriotic part by simply stopping by an ABATE Business Member and saying "thank you" by spending some green. After all, they're the folks who truly care, and are willing to put their money where your rights are, and they deserve our support. I'm a firm believer in capitalism and I don't have a problem with Wal-Mart® or big corporations if they can outsmart us from our money, but the last time I checked, it's still the mom and pop shops who are footing the bill for your rights in California, because you just can't put your rights on layaway at Wal-Mart®. Not yet, anyway.

By the way, wanna see the COOLEST riding toy for your 3 year old this year? Forget the "Big Wheel"! You gotta see the "Emerald Flame Chopper" at Wal-Mart®! Visit http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4180011. Of course, it's made in Communist China, but I'm not supposed to talk politics here, somebody might be offended.

~splatt
© 2006 splatt. Reproduction permitted with attribution.